you're a gem

Source: orangeis via kidswithhats
baby: d-d-d..
dad: daddy? are you trying to say daddy?
baby: D I C K S Q U A D
Source: vapor-man via kidswithhats
Source: wildluna via fantasizingfunerals
Source: senyahearts via phoebewrites
Source: born-t0-lose via tauutouu

jesuschristvevo:

do dogs think in barks

Source: jesuschristvevo via bastille

hex-girlfriend:

i’m still pissed off about growing up

Source: hex-girlfriend via gnarly
Source: abscence-of-joy via fuck-ing-hell

despairnaegami:

personasanta:

does anybody else think tired and sleepy mean two totally different things

sleepy is cute and dozing off and happy but tired is 10 cups of coffee and murder

Source: bingeeaterghoul via jasfuckinq

owlmylove:

last night i dreamt i was at a baseball game and i was on the kiss-cam next to this cute boy with his family and everyone was cheering us on and the guy smiled at me and i smiled back and then i leaned over and kissed his sister instead and the stadium went completely silent before the announcer said “well that was certainly a curveball” and i laughed so hard i woke myself up

Source: owlmylove via surprisebitch

ifwefallonemoretime:

theorginalmiddlechild:

helenas-hood:

Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” and he was like “Oh my god I’m so sorry I thought you were a boy.”

Soda just spewed out my nose

THAT WAS A PLOT TWIST

Source: mintyboob via crrocs

internetmessiah:

I’ve decided I want to be cremated. Not when I die, just whenever. Surprise me.

Source: internetmessiah via phobias

bestquius:

bestquius:

There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.

I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele

Source: meidosuji via party-in-the-morgue
Source: my-heart-doesnt-beat--it-wobbles via starving-for-starvation